Cleveland just cant Windians

How do you get credit for "finding" new lands when there is already an indigenous population?  Write the history books.  The baseball team from the city of Cleveland has been playing in Regressive field since 1915 when the Cleveland Indians had their namesake blessed upon them.  To get this name they went through several poor choices.  (Other names included: Lake Shores, Bluebirds "Blues", and Napoleons or "Naps" for short)  While some of those were short lived the Indians seems to have lasted oh, about 106 years or so.  Our main question is:  What was wrong with being called the Indians?  Is Indian an offensive word?  Is it correct to call someone from India an Indian?  Or, just incorrect to call Native American Indians?  (We're really asking) If it is offensive to the Native Americans, then we agree it should not be used.  Then, we should probably think about changing the history books as well.   If not, why is it not celebrated?  If it must be changed, why not change it to something that will honor the Native American Heritage?  Baseball is an honored tradition and pass time for Americans.  Sports teams connote fierce rivalries, strenuous competitions, fan traditions, and devout loyalty.  We see sport as a positive for society and it would be an honor to have a team named after us.  (The Cleveland Pundits, maybe the Chica.go Punme's?  Our team motto is:  Win.d City and you'll win.d game)  We are a minor team right now but we've got a major league attitude.   

We are not Native Americans nor are we of Native American decent.  That gives us no place in this Nativity Scene but, on the off chance we arent being ridiculous we are occasionally rational.  Did you know, 26 states have names with Native American origin.  Can we start renaming states please?!  We have some great ideas.  A few names were circulating around for the Cleveland rebranding event.  The Cleveland Spiders and the Cleveland Windians are some real and some made up.  The Spiders would be a great name because everyone loves spiders... (serious eye roll) especially late at night when you see some giant wolf spider sprint towards the baseboard and you know one false move and you will be up for the next 4 hours searching every inch of the living space because you'll be thinking about that spider crawling on your face as soon as you lay your head down.  Spiders is a name that just makes you feel good.  The Windians, as far as we can see, is a name that just cant lose.  Another creative option would be The Cleveland Baseball Team.  It didn't work for the football team so why couldn't it not work for baseball.   

Cleveland went and searched the entire galaxy and found The Guardians.  Its a team made up of a suspicious array of individuals on a journey to save the American League from complete domination.  We're cool with it as long as all players use only walk up songs from the actual soundtrack from Guardians of the Galaxy.  The Guardians name actually pays homage to the traffic "guardians" by the Hope Memorial Bridge.  Makes sense because who doesn't love traffic?!  Best of luck Guardians as you battle the villains of the American League.  

Happy BEarth Day

 On this day 4.56752693 (yes, we're very accurate) billion years ago, Earth was created by its omni-potent parents; gravity and interstellar dust.  They met on a beautiful, dark, and starry night in space, then got all twisted up into a hot mass of swirling particulates.  They built up some serious friction then, boom.  Out popped this sexy piece of hot smokin' rock.  Its slightly changed as its aged a few billion years but at its core its still molten hot.  Every once in a while it still gives you a lil taste of hot ash just to let you know its still got it.  We humans sure love to tap that.  We drill it, pump it, scoop it, and pollute it.  Treat this earth like its our loyal, sexy lil side piece.  Its ok if we treat it like we dont need it.  It always comes back to us.  We spit in its waters, call it bad names, ignore it when it comes to us with its problems, and we even pretend we don't need it.  What is the earth gonna do?  Find a better virus to host?  Ha.  Unlikely.  It took 4 billion years to make us and in another few billion the sun is gonna vaporize it anyways.  So, we dont care... if Earth don't want us, it wont have anyone else, ever. 

Coming soon to The Universes version of Cops:  After years of abuse Earth finally had enough, and as you'll see in this next video clip She decided to set Herself on fire (or did She?). (Insert video of fictional event)  The Universal Fire Department shows up but its too late.  They can only put out the fried corpses.  (I bet it will smell like bacon with how fat we've become off of our overabundant use of Her natural resources).  The Earth will be explaining to the UPD (Universal Police Department) how we've been abusing Her for hundreds of years and oddly enough the Humans just decided to set themselves on fire.  Human Doe got drunk and didnt call, just one too many times.  Humans shoulda just stopped killing Her damn flowers to show that they care just a little bit.  Instead Humans just put the trash wherever the hell they damn well please and used that oil stove top to smoke the dinner again, without cleaning up.  Besides cleaning up is Her job.  She kept telling you Humans.  She turned the thermostat up and down, started getting rid of some of your friends, started letting some of those things you used to like to eat and drink just disappear.  Its not omniscience.  It should have been obvious to you Humans its time to start taking some responsibility.  Maybe just clean up a little bit before the guests come over.  Or, just use the sun power stove to cook.  Just do some of the simple things.  A little appreciation and telling Her how pretty She looks once and a while could go a long way.  (Some of those natural wonders took millions of years to make!)  Just do something, anything that shows how much you appreciate Her because in the end... She will be fine.  She will burn the Humans down.  Tell the police they set themselves on fire and they'll believe Her because She's been around a long time and knows all the ways to get out of trouble.  It might be hard for Her at first but eventually She'll realize, She can be happy all by Herself.  

#EarthDay  #BearthDay  #GoPunMe

Lid Slams on the Trumpster

President elects have aspirations of changing the nation and the world by imposing the values they believe in.  Much like the teenager with aspirations of being a professional baseball player, those dreams soon get tossed in the real world dumpster.  We understand how the Trumpinator feels, it is difficult when you are forced to give up on your dreams...  Unfortunately, sometimes you just cant hit a curveball.  At its best, the "revolutionary" Trump regime was a whiny, nagging toddler.  At its worst, it spewed flaming hot garbage onto anything that would pay attention to it. This Trumpster fire has been burning for four years and its time to put a lid on it.  If you have just woken up from a coma, you will find the country in similar shape to the end of most presidential terms.  Little changed. (policy wise, but mask wise its a huge change) Despite all the drama the president loves to stir up (the need to stir up drama may come from a lack of love and affection in his personal life but we do not know the former president and we prefer, unlike him, to not speak on things we do not know of) (Although, we do hint them loudly) Despite his efforts in explaining how great he is, the pandemic has brought about way more significant changes than that of the White House.  

It is odd to say but, do you think the former president was jealous of the Coronavirus?  Is that why it was so hard for him to take actions?  Sure he stirred up drama in pretty much everything that he touched, but fortunately he isnt that interested in touching things (that dont make him a sexual predator).  We would consider him the opposite of a Teddy Roosevelt.  He loved to talk loudly but preferred not to even carry a stick (he didnt like the way it looked with his hair).  While many of his predecessors preferred playing chess while presiding in the presidential palace, this president chose to play Monopoly.  Saying quote "I dont know what the players do in chess but that horsey guy looks cool.  I prefer Monopoly because I like to roll the dice and see what happens and I like to drive the car real fast around the board."  We asked how he takes it if he loses the game?  "I cant lose, if bad things happen I just flip the game board over, and yell at everyone that they cheated as I stomp away.  It works every time!"  (not real quotes) We guess there are techniques to have it both ways.  Be an a$$.  Being an a$$ allows you to take all credit for wins and zero responsibility for loses.  It's great.  Egomania never loses.  "Wherever I go, Egos."  

We are trying to figure out what would be worse for an egomaniac:  Thinking your the most important person in the world and never being promoted to that position, or realizing that you spent four years as the most powerful person in the world and nothing changed?  Of course, we doubt the former president has the ability to reflect on his loop without an unconscious ego bias but maybe he will tell us in his book.  Coming December 2021: "You're Welcome America: How I made America Great in only 4 Years" By Donald J. Trump  

Other President Trump Book Names for Consideration:

I'm Great, so is America 

You're Welcome America

2 Impeachable 

Presidency Made Easy

Grabbed America by the P_$$%

Pay Attention To Me! 

How to make millions selling Hats.

What a president does?  I still dont know. 

Ruth Bader Fin.sberg

Unlike Biggie Smalls The Notorious R.B.G. wasn’t Ready to Die.  RBG wanted to hold on in hopes that a president other than the Trumpster, fire out her successor.  She was a leader in the fight for gender equality and doesn’t want newcomers bringing the Old Thing Back.  She felt that being a woman wasn’t a valid reason to live an Everyday Struggle for equal pay.  When she was asking for Mo Money for women, she only found Mo Problems from men.  She issued a Warning to the establishment.  She was down to legally Kick in the Door for womens rights.  She was gonna get her Respect even if she had to Hypnotize the establishment with her ability to paint pictures with her writing.  She needed the man to realize she wasn't Just Playing she felt Sky’s the Limit for all women and the men were Dead Wrong on the equality issue.  If there is Life After Death we are sure she is up there making sure people are getting treated equally.  Keep it clear, keep it concise, and don’t make em look twice, because you don’t always get One More Chance.  Things Done Changed for the better over her time but it is sad that many times Somebody’s Gotta Die for valid opinions to be taken seriously.  The world is full of Juicy problems and its not always all a dream, but with the right people in charge we all can make a difference like she did.  “And if you don’t know... now ya know”  (-Notorious B.I.G) 

The common thought is that Supreme Court Justices are appointed for life.  This is not technically true which technically, is all lawyers care about so...  To present the facts to be judged: The Constitution states that Justices "shall hold their Offices during good Behavior." This means that the Justices hold office as long as they choose and can only be removed from office by impeachment." (Supreme FAQs)  As long as they choose.  It seems that judges may not be great at choosing when to retire.  About 45% of justices die in office.  (This stat is skewed to early years of the supreme court, ya know when people died younger, but has made a comeback with 2 of the last 3 to leave office were through end of life) When a persons mental faculties start to wane will they be aware enough to notice?  Age carries with it a multitude of issues.  Mental, physical, and just in general its an all around health decline sandwich.  Being old is riddled with issues: Constantly being ridiculously early to eat dinner.  Continually complaining about how things used to be in your day.  A weird focus on your lawn and how it shouldnt be used for anything other than admiring. 

 

We can assume that the founders of the constitution had the idea of making the Judicial branch of government a separate piece of the governmental tripod.  This idea had such lofty goals.  Power is unbelievably magnetic.  It attracts the garbage shrapnel to the top.  When justice Scalia passed near the end of the Obama presidency the republicans argued vigorously for him not to pick a Justice and let the next president choose his successor. Republicans obviously hoping for a republican president to pick a conservative leaning judge.    Obama of course picked anyways but Republicans won the argument (thanks to holding Obama's pick up in the republican held senate).  History, oh so redundantly redundant, has come back to repeatedly repeat it self once again as it has over and over.  With justice Ginsberg passing now just before the up coming presidential election, the republicans have now reversed their stance to say Justices should be chosen during the current term.  We are shocked.  To think that a politician would shift their stance on an issue just because it would benefit them is crazy talk.  Senators run for election with the sole purpose of serving the people.  (This could actually be true but, oh how power corrupts.) Never would they compromise their word for the sake of personal or party benefits.  They are at the will of the people... Never compromising their values for more delicious power.  Sarcasm tastes like snausberries.  

The picking of Justices is obviously political because they are picked by the president that has political affiliation.  Did anyone really think it wouldnt become political?  Did they actually think they could insulate the third leg from being jacked off by political parties.  Our governmental duopoly is great at jerking the public.  They jerk it left, they jerk it right, while we're all stuck in the middle getting the shaft.  The hard point is that the precedence set by the process has yielded low produce.  We judge poignantly the popular point of view should proceed proudly without prejudice.  Part of the problem is the pondering of party property.  Parties shall not procure property without proper presentation of particular points or we shall find ourselves in a paradise of perpetual problems.  The permanence of judges should be up for a debate posthaste with the possibility of limiting the age of a judge.  (75 anyone?) 

We already have our angry grandparents running against each other to see who becomes the next Elder in Chief.  Why should we have the possibility of senile judges sitting on the bench?  This isnt a Central Park bench feeding pigeons.  (a completely acceptable bench for senile old people and also any other person to sit, but dont feed the pigeons they're over fed enough as it is)  Its a bench seated with the weight of the entire countries foundational law.  Is that a weight that your grandparents should carry? Their backs have been hurting for years its time to let the younger folk need to start carrying some weight.  Do we really want a justice to be in the position of not wanting to retire because he or she would rather die in office than to let the current president pick a replacement?  When the system that is in place begins to be taken advantage of by the players we should not blame to players.  (Players gonna Play.)  It is time to change the rules.  

  

Why dont judges pick what judge should be their replacement?  If the idea is to make it a separate part of government then why dont judges get a say in the judgement process.  Currently nominated by the president and confirmed by the senate.  This seems like a weird way to separate the judicial branch.  It being dependent on the will of the other two.  

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged."  Judges be judging and we think there is just cause to commit to a ruling.  A judge henceforth shall be nominated with a maximum term of 20 years or maximum age of 75 (this number shall be pegged to be variable with life expectancy rounded to the nearest number minus 5 years) whichever occurs first.  A judge may also retire at any time of their own judgment.  The candidate will be chosen not by the president but all Judges, besides the judge being succeeded, (because they may be dead and also because dont be your own lawyer) will put forth a candidate to be voted on by the people in a rank choice voting system.  Fin.

Tesla Stock Overcharged?

Tesla, the inventor, is unshockingly known for the invention of Alternating Current electric technology. (we just know it as electricity) (Did you plug something in today? Thanks Tesla) Tesla, the car company, is widely known for the invention of the electric automobile.  Do people really think that?  (Actually invented in the 1830's, yea almost 200 years ago!)  The only thing Tesla (company) has invented is a stock market valuation of absurdity.  (probably not true they probably have invented more stuff than just that) Tesla (company) stock has been lit up by investors trying to get in on the craze of a tech company.  This has led to a sky rocketing valuation.  Tesla is an automaker and this industry space is filled with tons of competition.  Currently (8/31/2020) Tesla (company) has a market capitalization value of around $447 Billion.  This is more than the value of Ford ($27B), General Motors ($42B), and Toyota ($183B)...  combined.  But Tesla (company) sells way more cars than all those other companies, right?  Tesla (company) delivered about 368,000 vehicles in 2019.  Which is about 1.5% of the 23.84 million cars the other automakers sold.  (Ford 5.4 million vehicles, Toyota 10.74 million, and GM 7.7 million)  But, Tesla makes a ton of cash compared to those companies.  (loss of $862 million in 2019)  Hmmm.... So Tesla (company), who undoubtedly has a head start on battery technology and innovation compared to the competitors, comparatively sells very few cars while continuing to lose money.  So, why is it valued as if it is the most dominate car company in the world?  We arent a financial advisor (you should probably check with yours before listening to some ridiculous blog) but we gave this one the ol' smell test and it has a Musky odor.  "Investors" may be driving this stock toward the end of the road.  If you invest at this late bubble stage you may be on track for the same fortune that Telsa (inventor) had for himself...  In debt due to a lack of prudent financial decision making. 

That car in space is an actual Tesla that was launched into space in 2018 (somewhere near Mars currently).  It is the fastest car in history (currently traveling at more than 50,000 miles per hour) and has traveled more miles than any car in history (over 1 billion miles).  Tesla (company) says "if you launch your car into space that voids the warranty and we will not cover repairs." (didnt say that but that warranty is definitely void from mileage alone.)  Check it out: Roadster In Space

The Bucks Stops Here

The Milwaukee Bucks decided to boycott their playoff game versus the Orlando Magic on August 26th.  We're not talking about practice.  We're not talking about a game.  We're talking about the playoffs.  Playoffs?  Yea, playoffs.  This was done on the reaction to another police shooting.  Many other teams including baseball, hockey, and womens basketball followed suit by not suiting up for games.  Jacob Blake was shot in the town of Kenosha, WI which is about 40 miles south of Milwaukee.  The Bucks decided to buck the trend and say buck this stuff that keeps happening to people around the nation.  Why does this continue to happen?  Malcom Gladwell has some theories in his book Talking to Strangers.  (you should read it)  His theory:  the trend is a response to the training police officers that makes them divert from the norm of defaulting to truth.  What happens when serve and protect is transformed into sever and suspect?  Everyone is guilty and dangerous we just have to find out what makes them that.  This state of mind provokes fear from both sides.  Officers afraid of the suspects because they continually think that are dangerous and suspects afraid of officers who could shoot them at any given moment.  When animals are afraid the response is usually predictable. (fight or flight)  Is that a world we really want to live in?  In a state constant fear?  We do not and we hope you do not either.  

Fear is a constant these days.  There are so many options.  Viruses, Fires, Hurricanes, Police, and whether or not Jessica is going to wear that same dress you bought together to the dance tonight. (it doesnt get any scarier than showing up to a party with someone having a matching outfit)  What is the end goal of the sports protest?  (we think that everyone has a right to peacefully protest for the beliefs they have)  Is the end goal to end racism right now?  Unfortunately as much as most of us would like to see that happen... it is not realistic.  The structural kind of change that is needed is one that has (to) come slow.  (For those on the taking it side, it is always too slow.)  It has to come from the people being oppressed by the system to get involved in it.  We need more black teachers, police officers, and representatives.  We need them to get into these positions with a clear conscience of making true change and not simply to get revenge or to even the score.  They need to take the high road because clearly there are some people that love to drive down the low road.  

The end goal of ending racism is lofty and most likely unattainable but it is something to shoot for.  (please dont actually shoot)  People are still people.  They will still prejudge people on the way they look.  If you have white sunglasses on people are going to assume you are a douche.  That is their fault.  If you open your mouth about how you just got jacked up on some roids, then brag about the 3rd girl you hooked up with this week, you are a douche and thats your fault.  The point is that this stuff is going to take a while!  Dont expect results right away. (although cops if you could go ahead and stop shooting people that dont need to be shot that would be great)  Dont let slow progress stop the process.  Stay grinding and keep dreaming that dream so that one day someone will wake up and take it for granted.    

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."  This was a quote directly from Donald Trump... Ok, its obviously actually from Martin Luther King Jr.  How can you judge a person by the content of their character if you dont listen to what they have to say?  How can you judge if you do not have empathy to their situation?  How can you judge?  The easy way to judge is on prejudice, bias, and preconceived notions that we know everyone based on what is on the outside.  But if we did that there would be no dream speeches.  We need to stop taking the easy way.  On this day August 28th, 1963 Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream.  Dont give up on it.

Going Postal on that Ca$h

The United States Postal Service has been delivering financial efficiency throughout its long history... said nobody.  Through rain, sleet, and snow it drops cash flow like it does bills through your mail slot.  Why did the USPS lose $69 Billion in 11 Fiscal Years 2008  -  2018?  Their cost of doing business was $69 billion more than the money they collected.  (we asked our MBA's to do the math)  The real question is: Why do they spend so much more than they make?  Some people say it is because they have to pre pay their retirement liabilities.  Some say it is because no one uses snail mail anymore.  Some say its revenge from Santa Clause for not delivering all those kids wish lists because the North Pole was just too far for the USPS.  Santa had to guess what they wanted and all the kids were upset because all they got were socks. (Santa is a terrible guesser)  Truth is:  Pre paying retirement liabilities is a financial strain in the short run but in the long run actually is more financially efficient.  Snail Mail delivery has dropped significantly in the last 10 years but package delivery continues to increase substantially.  No one really wants socks for Christmas but we only have 3 mismatched pairs left and 2 socks have holes in them so we probably need them.

USPS has ignored trends and failed to capitalize on new ones.  Congress had originally set up a sweet monopoly situation for the USPS thus it limited the amount the USPS can raise prices on stamps and packages.  This has become a huge problem on the revenue side.  The USPS inexplicably still delivers mail 6 days a week to everyone.  That is a huge problem on the cost side.  Dear USPS, we really dont need that coupon for pizza and that flyer for discounted mattresses delivered everyday.  (we know our grandparents still need those paper bills and to mail out check payments but everyone else pays online)  If you delivered mail 3 days a week that would be sufficient and 1 day a week in rural areas (or more frequently as needed for medications, but if you need your meds everyday... you should probably have more than a 1 day supply on hand.  We've heard doctors can even give them out for a full month supply or more, please check with your doctor for more information)  That will cut your staff and your costs significantly.  We wish this was our idea but.... the USPS office of Inspector General had this idea in 2010! ( USPS Inspector General 3 Day Delivery)  WTF?!  Their own math estimated 3 day delivery could save $10 Billion.  So lets get this straight...  The USPS has known about solutions to some of their financial problems for at least a decade, and then continued to do the same things.  (Doing the same things over and over and expecting different results... whats that called again?)  Now they are asking for billions of dollars because no one wanted to make the tough decisions years ago.  How very democratic of you.  We dont want to hurt anyone right now so lets screw everyone in the future!

Change is hard.  We get it.  We once had to stop eating ice cream for breakfast.  (Worst week ever.)  It is a shock to the system to realize the way things were is not the way things are.  (We're sure that eating a pint ice cream for breakfast cant possibly be contributing to being significantly overweight and pre-diabetic)  Many of you will get stuck in the first step of grief. (denial)  Yes, some mail workers will lose jobs.  This is unfortunately unavoidable no matter what.  Most companies no longer offer pensions because it has drove many companies to the brink of bankruptcy (or put them into bankruptcy, see big car companies or most cities in Illinois) which is why (we're guessing who really knows why congress does some things) congress mandated a prepayment for these liabilities.  The argument that most companies dont have to prepay retirement liabilities is true because most companies dont offer them.  Most companies offer things like matching contributions to IRA's and 401k's which are paid into by employers as you get paid.  Most companies also would have ability to file for bankruptcy.  USPS being a quasi governmental body doesnt have that ability.  (Or does it?)  So, which is worse?  Allowing the USPS to continue to operate seeing that pensions and liabilities will drive it into bankruptcy within 10 years.  Or, make them prepay their future liabilities so they are forced to quickly (like 10 years quick) come up with long term solutions to their financial problems?  The longer you wait the more cuts will eventually have to be made.  It sucks, the choices are hard, and no one wants to be the person(s) that killed jobs and took away any persons livelihood.  The post office needs to move posthaste and stop mailing it in before they reach the point where everyone's termination papers get stamped. 

The solutions seem somewhat simple.  Cutting overhead.  Raise prices on packages and ship more of them if you would like to continue everyday delivery. (good luck with those economics)  Raise prices on stamps.  Of course you dont have to raise revenues or cut costs.  You can just take a huge taxpayer bailout and continue business as usual.  You can even continue using the claim that the USPS is a public institution as an excuse.  It was a necessary public institution until people invented better ways to communicate.  (like Blogs, insert eye roll)  The USPS first ran into financial trouble in the 1840's with an out of date business model.  Luckily, congress stepped in and solved the problem for good.  Until 180 years later... history it seems has sent a first class disaster package to the future.  Its all good, we are sure that congress will step in and solve the problem for good!


Art from:
MAD #512, December 2011
Writer: Jeff Kruse
Artist: Anton Emdin 

Planet to Perfection

A lot of Perseverance and Ingenuity went into getting this new red rover on its way to Mars.  It has been delayed since the rover has been starring in the new Wall-E film but the rocket launch finally got the green light at Cape Canaveral on July 30, 2020 and it went off... like a rocket!   (Too easy?)  It was perfectly planned propulsion that lead to an impeccable launch.  We will try to hold back our amazement that humans can actually get things into outer space let alone land them on other planets.  Ok, we cant take it... Its soo out of this world!  (Nerd Alert)  The fact that we can land things on other planets is just awe inspiring!  It is on to a new world where this rover hopes to find evidence that some of us are actually descendants of Martians.  Seriously, some people on this planet can not possibly be from Earth.  (MIB are really doing a pretty good job hiding them but some people are just too crazy to be hidden)
This planetary effort was done in collaboration with NASA and the Mars We May Need You Sooner Than We Think Alliance.  This alliance was founded by People That Can See Other People Are Clearly Screwing Up The Earth Coalition.  (Although, maybe its just these Martians living here screwing up Earth because they own a lot of property on Mars and know once Earth is screwed they can make a ton in the Martian real estate game)  Life is a very hard thing to kill but with a little luck humans may just succeed at killing all of it. 
The leaders of Mars were quoted saying "this is one small rover for mankind and one giant annoyance for us.  Why are you so interested in us?  Because we're red?  Is Earth a bunch of planet racist?  Maybe if we were blue you would just be cool and leave us alone but nooo since we're Red you got to drill us and inspect us to see whats wrong with us.  We have a bigger Mons than you, just deal with it.  No need to get jealous that our Olympic size volcano used to shoot hot ash way better than any of the puny hills you got on earth.  You can land here but just dont go all Native American on us claiming something to be "yours" that has existed for a very long time before you got here."
We're hoping in 7 months that the rover (Perseverance) sees red and also a lot of other things when it lands softly on the reddest rocky planet in the solar system.  It will then (after a quick stop at the Mars Deep Red Light district for a "tune" up) release its helicopter (Ingenuity) which will take pictures of the rear of the rover so it can be the first to do the Uranus joke on Mars.  Yea, its a weird thing to spend billions of dollars on but... lets face it we've never heard a bad (or good) Uranus joke, and it will definitely make a couple people laugh! (us)  Red Rover, Red Rover send Perseverance right over.  God speed you interplanetary robot, God speed.

Russian to a Vaccine

Mr. Putin has shown his hubris once again.  This time by reaching down from the depths of nothing and pulling out a miracle solution to all the worlds problems.  Putin has been puttin the Russian scientific community to work on a vaccine for the covid-19 virus.  Done.  "It was so easy, take us like few days, I'm not sure what is taking long for everyone else.  I guess Russia is much more awesome than everyone." (fake quote)  He claims Russia is the first to come up with the "Sputnik 5" vaccine for the virus.  This is a companion that is sure to travel well through media outlets, but is it legitimate?   We totally believe you when you say you came up with a vaccine in a ridiculously short amount of time.  We are so sure it is effective and safe even though there was very little testing done.  We would never question your motives.  We would never think that you are coming up with this "vaccine" so you could sell it to all the worlds governments and make a lot of money.  All good politicians know not to let an emergency situation go to waste.  When the world is desperate, that is when it is the most vulnerable.  Vulnerability leads to poor decision making.  This is a prime time for scammers and cheats to take advantage.  It is the scammer Super Bowl.  Most of them are small timers peddling inaccurate tests for covid, tainted hand sanitizer, or still calling about that money you won they just need your bank account info.  (The list of tainted hand sanitizers has grown very quickly please be careful that yours does not contain methanol or 1-propanol) 
It is so weird that Russia seems the be the first country to pop up the "hospitality" tent.  Just give us lots of money and we'll cure all that ails you.  Putin was quoted saying "This isnt just a covid-19 vaccine, it also cures cancer and can make lose 20 lbs in week.  You'll be covid free and have that rockin body that will make you look so good when you riding horse around with no shirt."  (not a real quote)  How could Russia know if actually works?  No one is sure if they could possibly do that in such a short period of time, but that is unimportant.  Is it a liquid that gets injected into the body with a needle?  Yes.  Are people desperate?  Yes.  Then it is exactly what you need!  Mr. Putin is a former intelligence agent so he knows the key to intelligence.... Marketing.  Market yourself as the best and just maybe you can fool enough people to make it work, regardless of it actually working.  Lets all hope at least this "vaccine" first does no harm. 

Tech.nical Difficulties

There was a difficult tech conference on Capitol hill and senators are calling technical fouls on the worlds biggest companies.  Capitol hill:  Where senators get together and make each other feel better by yelling at CEO's whilst getting nothing of value actually gets accomplished.  The tech world has been loading... loading... loading... loading more content under their company umbrellas.  The clouds have become so big they are starting to get too close to "above the law status."  Senators have become feeling sandwiched because they are the only ones who like to have this status.  They are getting peanut butter and jelly of the 4 companies:  Apple, Facebook, Amazon, and Google (or alphabet? does anyone really call them that?)  Apple was answering calls of Tim Cooking the books with Iphone battery technology.  Facebook has been zucked into a void of over-posted evidence.  Facebook wont look but they're ok if their partners are downloading peoples private datawear drawers.  (We dont even know where those files came from, a friend must have used our computer or it was a virus... yea, definitely a virus!)  Amazon has overbooked their employees while 2 day delivering away their souls.  Meanwhile their founder (richest man in the world) has his head in space.  Google has searched and searched and finally found themselves alphabetizing peoples digital lives into their personal Rolodex.  We Googled, Google and it said "we can put whatever we want here and we'll make it your top result because we can."  Seriously though if you Google alphabet... Google corporate information comes up... and not the actual freaking alphabet.


#GoogleGoogle  #TheFaceofFacebook  #BiteoutofApple  #AmazonintheJungle
#GoogleSearchesforSoul  #FacebookProfilingwithProfiles  #holdyourtongueandsayApple
#AmazonsellsJungleanddeliversitin2days 

Opening YAY!

The baseballs back in our court...  Or back in the empty stadiums.  (excluding Canada)  The Major League Baseball season is finally underway after months of delay.  The crowds filing into the stadium, the fresh cut grass, clean lined field, smell of popcorn and hotdogs wafting through the hum of the pregame chatter, seeing your favorite player in person and realizing he's not as big as he seems on TV but is still happy to deny signing your self made clay statue of him.  Sadly, these are all things we wont get to be apart of this baseball season.  (We wonder why...?!)  We like to look at the runs side of the scoreboard and not the errors side so here are some positives that will come from this shortened season:  60 Games!  Nothing makes each game count more than cutting over 100 games from the schedule. Rule Changes!  When pandemics hit it makes you really focus on whats important instead of squabbling over minor issues.  The National League will be adopting the DH (only 46+ year after the American League).  Runner starting on 2nd base in extra innings.  If they couldnt get it figured out in 9 innings.... get this game over already.  No restrictions on position players pitching.  Great, (inserting eyeroll) because no team brings in their left fielder to hurl 78 mph fastballs unless their team is down by at least 12 runs.  Expanded Playoffs!  We're getting excited about the new playoff format.  8 teams from each league (16 total).  With more teams means more upsets means more excitement.  (Its the standard fun formula) This really changes the game.  There are teams that deserved to make the playoffs in past years that have missed because they were in a tough division.  We're sure their will also be teams that probably dont belong that pull off an upset!  (Not sorry Dodgers and Yankees)  Time to prove yourselves in October!  Let's Play Ball!